Captain Crunch Oops All Berries Review

Four Stars

Poops, All Berry, Perhaps.

Let's just cut to the chase, pilgrims. There's a P missing in this product name and its a P that every red blooded American is gonna figure out and oughta know so that they can figure it out. Captain Crunch Oops All Berries is total junk food cereal, but if you are a real Dad, and you have a young boy, then this is the cereal you gotta get - even before you buy your kid his first shotgun and set out to harvest your first flying ducks.

Captain Crunch's Oops All Berries

Nutritionally, Captain Crunch Poops, I mean Oops, All Berries, is about the same as every other cereal in its category, and damn right, that's as well as it should be. Mr. Kellog, way back in the day, went way out of his trouble to invent a perfect formula for breakfast cereal so we could all get some nutrition and keep ourselves regular, so as not be overrun with communism or any of that other backward nonsense. Take some grains, prepare them somehow, bake them, add artificial color, engineered by our finest American labs, and flavor, created by our best scientists, and boom, you got yourself some cereal and some regularity and vitamins to boot.

But this cereal takes it a step further. It packs in the color and the flavor. Now I don't care where those flavors and colors come from, and nor should you, so long as they are American. Capt Crunch Oops All Berries does something special to a man. It gives a fella colors, if you know what I'm saying Hoss.


No Natural Berry Could Look Like This

Captain Crunch's Oops All Berries In a Pink Cup
This cereal tastes fantastic

No natural berries could ever look this good, and they'd never taste as powerfully berry as the berries in this cup. What are you, a primate eating termites with a stick while pretending a few fruit things off of a bush is food, or are you a human being, pilgrim, or even more than that, an American? Saddle up to the counter on your all American like IKEA furniture and get a load of these artificial whole wheat product artificial berries. No gorilla in his right primitive or VietCong mind would ever touch this and nor should he. These are American berries, through and through.

This cereal tastes fantastic. The crunch is perfect and the flavor is explosive. If you want the champion of breakfast artificial fruit cereals, even Fruit Loops, has to take a step back for a moment of Yankee reflection. Captain Crunch Oops All Berries is gonna set you right with the vitamin Jesus and get your bowels ready for the Revelation.

Green, its going to be green, just like the dollar bill, compadre, get it. Have a bowl or two with your young cowboy over the weekend and you boys will be laughing your heads off, just like you did when you had your first case of Genessee. Green, its going to be green.