Fair Sex Act, a Modest Proposal for Sexual Equality

A Nation of Equals

We liberals have a lot to be thankful for. More than a century ago, we first dared to believe that equality was not simply about equal opportunity but something to be achieved and enforced in fact. Americans enjoy a strong, progressive federal government working to create equality in society.

From cradle to grave, Americans live in an increasingly equality mandated society. Children are raised in public schools, the old tradition of marriage and family has given way to a modern bureaucracy whose hallmark is a polygamy that shares the burden of children. All other aspects of life, from food, to telecommunications, are increasingly monitored and regulated with the net effect that the means of any sort of innovation and disruption are taken away from individuals and placed with government where it belongs.

Our government, thanks to us, features support for housing, support for food, so much so that the pressing social problem is that people are overweight, an oversite that will be corrected as we mandate sustainable diets. National health care will soon be entrenched. And, all of these miracles of intervention take place despite the fact that nearly half of all Americans pay essentially no income taxes whatsoever.

Rhetoric attacking the wealthy is paying off. Most Americans support a notion of equality based on taxing people unequally. Without the fictitious incentive of wealth, the last vestiges of superstitious freedom will be swept away in favor of the robust virtue of entitlement.

Genuine equality of money is within reach for America. But is that all, people can be equal on?

Progressivism into a Sexual Frontier

If economic quality, gender and racial equality, are all achieved, what then? Shall we liberals simply disband and cherish the equality society, or shall we continue to strive to expand equality into new areas. Clearly, the struggle for equality must continue if so many of us are to remain employed in the service of our cause!

But what? What else could be made equal?

We of the left champion equality because we believe that an imposed equality benefits humanity by reducing the covetousness that causes competition. Competition is the very antithesis of a caring, social society, and so, we search for human endeavors that provoke it, so that we can fix them, from little league, to student achievement, and certainly to finance.

Now, few things cause evil competition more than sex. A decent look at the history of humanity and its quest for sexual partners carries a lot of the same evils that the quest for money has. Sexual competition causes violence, can provoke wars (seriously, look at those icy German women and invading France starts to make a lot of sense), provokes greed, all of which, like money, is based around sexual inequality. It seems that a progressive movement can and should have a part to play in sexuality. Working together, we can use the federal government to help build a sexually equal society.

A Marxist History of Sex

To understand what sexuality equality might mean, and hence, what sort of role the government must play in sexuality, we need to understand the social dynamics and history at work. Because Karl Marx's views have worked so well for the economics, they should also work for sex. Wikipedia has a great article on Marx's theory of history. It serves as a basis for our parallel Marx's theory of sexual history.

"Because Karl Marx's views have worked so well for the economics, they should also work for sex"

Primitive Communism In this primitive society, women and men trade partners liberally, and the village collaborates to raise the children. Growing populations begin to strain primitive communism, and it collapses. Slave Society Faced with the collapse of primitive sexual communism and resource exhaustion, an identification of paternity becomes useful. The strongest males use their wealth and power to obtain the best women, whom they control in total ownership through violence. The slave society collapses due to inequality. The inefficient males band together to topple the strongest males, and the village is plunged into near chronic warfare and anarchy. Feudal Society As the slave society collapses due to inequality, and due to the severe pressures of paternity, the institution of marriage is adopted, where one woman becomes the property of one man. The stability and improved sexual equity leads to increased wealth, both sexual and material, and this in turn leads to the development of sexual capitalism. Capitalist Society Coupled with the collapse of male dominated sexual feudalism, increased wealth and technological advancement allow women to assume greater control over their sexual lives. This notion of sexual worth emerges later in men, as society stratifies into sexual haves and have nots. Fitness, general appearance and a willingness to perform become prominent values by which men and women are judged. The traditional family disintegrates and the burden of child care is shifted gradually from fathers and fatherlike providers to the state so that women and men alike can remain retain their newly won sexual capital. Sexually wealthy classes sometimes pray upon the sexually unwealthy, and just as the oppressions against the worker created a notion of sexually wealthy, the idea of sexual class emerges, of players, and spinsters. Sexual socialism evolves in response to an overall decline in society. Socialist Society Faced with the anarchy resulting from the injustices of sexual capitalism, sexuality becomes a staple of democracy. Instead of mating couples chosen by personal greed and the victimization caused either by deceipt or rejection, partners are assigned by democratically appointed communes. Free citizens alike work in harmony to create a society filled with sexual justice. No person is discriminated against based upon physical attributes, and all people are entitled to share among the pleasures offered by the sexually wealthy.

Science and the Sex Gap

Sexuality and improved health have long been linked. Forbes, in 2003, outlined a major scientific study that found a number of benefits of sexincluding a reduced risk of heart disease, stronger bones in men, and even a better sense of smell. Similarly, the Wall Street Journal reported that researchers have found sex improves moods and leads to better sleep.

Not too surprisingly, statistical analysis and research performed by Harvard University are helping to unmask sexuality inequality as a genuine problem that we need to address. By crafting a statistical index called a "sex gap", scientists are now capable of using advanced computer models, such as those used by banks and weather forecasters, to directly study sexual inequality and measure its theoretical effects. Dr. Milton, of Harvard University, studied this in detail with a powerful computer network consisting of 2000 Xeon Processor based machines, each with nVidia Tesla GPUs. Additionally 23 female student volunteers from the university's own athletic department were randomly paired with the college football team (american style) as well as the university Strategic War and Fantasy Gamer Society. As a result, Dr. Milton discovered that an increasing sex gap is strongly correlated with crime and murders, an increasing number of republicans, and climate change.

Addressing the sex gap should be intuitive, in any case. How could any progressive think that a man or a woman who cheats society by working harder to developer a better physique or skill set should actually deserve to live longer, healthier lives?

In other words, the sex gap is causing murders, the spread of the Republican Party, and worst of all, contributing to global warming. Causes for this are easily understood. People tend to use more energy, and thus, more fossil fuels, seeking to correct their sexual gap in a free market system that has failed. Not only damaging to humanity, the sex gap threatens our precious mother earth!

Other scientists have lent their views as well. Most famously, 69 leading researchers signed their names to a petition published in the New York Times demanding public measures be taken to address the sex gap.

Activists and the Sex Gap

Although premature, the activist community is beginning to take up the cause of reducing the sex gap. Occupy Wall Street signs can be seen with "End the Sex Gap", or "Tax the Sexually Wealthy". Move-on.org recently ran an advertisement in major fitness and body building magazines captioned, "Don't be Greedy With Your Body: The Sex Gap Causes Global Warming".

However, opposition to progressive action to correct the sex gap is also mounting. Religious leaders, of course, remembering the gains but not the costs of the previous Marxian stage of feudalism, long for a return to that world sexually as much as they do economically. Predictably, libertarian activists lament that their archaic view of limited government precludes any federal intervention in human sexuality. And, frankly, there are some feminists that lament that a body, in a sense, is not any more of one's possessions than the product of its labors.

Thus, it's important, that, as we seek comprehensive legislation to create a society of sexual equality, we can take some interim steps.

Interim Policy Steps

• Sexual Equality Training Sexual Equality Training legislation would provide seed money for institutions that work to bring about a sexually equal society. This includes research into overcoming some of the practical challenges and concerns that Americans might face. No doubt, they will need to be re-educated as to the newer societies benefits. In particular, the psychiatric profession will have to find new therapies for overcoming Attachment Disorder, or what used to be called love.
• Minimum Partners Legislation Similar to the concept of mandated health insurance ownership, in both constitutional reassessment and social outcome, a minimum partners act would require that every American have a certain number of different partners per year. A minimum partners act raises the interesting question for our right wing opposition. Although marriage is in decline, Republicans, except perhaps for supporters of Speaker Gingrich, will certainly seek exemptions from minimum partners legislation. But would they include gay marriages in the list of allowable exemptions? Or, if, instead of a mandate for a minimum partners threshold, would married couples be allowed to still claim the tax credit in cases of infidelity?
• Cultural Support Although the capitalist institution of the corporation is something that we will someday eliminate, there is no denying that those institutions have been useful for bringing about some our progressive ends with respect to the integration of multiple cultures and ethnicities. Clearly, the integration between women and men can be incented to newer levels. The government can introduce legislation to encourage the resumption of the old corporate pasttime of the liquid lunch and corporate holiday parties. We might also consider providing fast depreciation for those companies that introduce semi-private bedrooms into office spaces - useful not only for overnight workers, but for late night workers sharing an intimate moment prior to engaging in their missions with a renewed sense of vision and a clear mind for America and corporate glory. In the very least, we might consider promoting tax incentives for companies to offer private bedrooms - useful for overnight stays, and make expenses for corporate food, drink and travel fully deductible. Finally, we might provide federally backed insurance for harrasment cases. While we want to ensure that victims are protected and compensated, at the same time, some federal intervention might ease the chilling effect the present legal climate has on corporate sexuality. Rules against fraternization in the military should be relaxed.
• Sexual Research The government can work to improve sexual equality by supporting new technologies as well. These include sensors and scanners to determine compliance. For example, could we develop airport like scanners, administered by the TSA, that can tell when people have had sex? Or, could we develop applications for mobile devices - for example facial and body language recognition software that might indicate attraction from a suitable partner. Finally, an increasing number of studies indicate that hormonal therapies, from birth control in women to testosterone replacement in both, alter people's sexual preferences. Is it possible to develop hormones that might increase our national drive, and introduce it to the water supply in the same way flouride does - preventing sexual decay just like we work to prevent tooth decay? Subtler studies might be conducted as well. We might award highway and transportation grants to guide towards those population densities that are most likely to promote sexual equality.

A National Fair Sex Act

Through these intermediate efforts, and other activities, we will redefine intercourse as a fundamental right and advocate a redistribution of sexual wealth to achieve social justice.

We propose a national system of sexual tax collections, and redistribution, through a system similar to that applied to money. This national sex program will be successful as it has these components. First, it has a assessment of sexual wealth - obviously, based on appearance, fitness and body fat percentage, breast and penis size, and its longevity and repeatability, general style of dress, but also intangible things, such as an easy, soothing manner suggestive of confidence. Second, it has collections, by which this means of assessment are gathered up by the government for analysis. Finally, it has assignment, in which, sexual resources are redistributed to those in greatest need.

Sexual Tax Returns. Citizens will be required to submit sexual tax returns. These returns would include full frontal photographs and a worksheet with which patriot will calculate their sexual worth. This sexual worth index would indicate the expected number of partners, against which, the actual number of partners would be deducted.

STDs Your government will work to prevent the spread of disease and STDs. Everyone, as part of their obligation to the government, will be required to be comprehensively screened for STDs. The Federal government will create a national database of citiizens and their STD status. Given that the recipients of sex, in general, have a right to know, the government would establish a national lookup system where people may view the STD status of any potential partner by looking them up with such secret information as a name and a city.

Community Service Centers After processing, the IRS will notify citizens, in writing, of any sexual debts or refunds due. This national obligation would be satisfied at Community Service Centers. Some would be federally operated, but others might be contracted through the Federal Government. This would allow various reproductive institutions such as Planned Parenthood to participate. These facilities would be inspected by the various local and federal health departments, and would feature such basic amenities as to facilitate the transferrance of sexual wealth. Standard issue Federal Beds would be provided, along with birth control, videos, music and the various oils and toys that might be mandated by the IRS for each particular coupling, and in some cases, mutiple partners (based on calculated need).

Sexual tax obligations would be needs based. The point of this program is to meet the sexual rights of the dispossessed. That is, the nature of the coupling would be determined largely recipient of the sexual benefit, and it would be expected that the sexually wealthy would have to pay their sexual tax through the satisfaction of the recipient. The Federal Government does not discriminate based on age, race, gender or sexual identification. Partners would be assigned based on a precalculated software algorithm similar to those used by online dating services. That is, it would be similar to match.com or other sites, but instead of viewing potential interests, you might just have to perform with them.

One hour should be sufficient per partner coupling, unless the needs of the recipient are for a "quickie".

Questions and Answers about the Fair Sex Act